Personality Development Tips

Today we are going to talk about the essential life skill of overcoming shyness.

Have you ever wondered why you felt self-conscious or had that awkward feeling in your stomach when you entered into a room full of strangers? The heart thumping feeling when you wanted to ask someone out on a date, but felt a little shy to do so? Or wanted to approach someone for business purposes and felt a little hesitant to go speak to them about it?

Well whatever the situation may be, you could be an introvert or an extrovert, it does not matter because all of us can relate to the feeling of being shy at some point in our lives. We can all remember that anxious feeling in the pit of our stomachs in social situations. And after today you can start to remove that feeling that something or someone is holding you back when you’re talking to strangers.

Now don’t get me wrong, having a shy style is not a problem. It’s not something wrong that needs to be fixed. It’s important to accept yourself the way you are. And if you like your shy style, there’s no need to get rid of that. What we’re talking about today is my 9 best tips for taking away your anxiety and feeling of shyness so you can feel more relaxed and free to share your true self with others.

Understand the root cause of your shyness

For example when I was little my parents my teachers and my relatives used to label me as shy. They all used to say to each other and to me that I was a very very shy child. This stuck in my mind and psychologically I started believing myself to be a shy person. Well it’s important to understand the root cause because unless you know exactly why you are a shy person, it can make it difficult to overcome that shyness. The first step is to understand the root cause of your shyness.

Accept your shyness

There is no right or wrong way to be shy. And it’s not a bad thing to be shy at all. Most people in the world are shy at some point in their lives or in some situations. Even famous celebrities, politicians or business moguls. That’s why I urge you to accept the way you are. If you are a shy person, it’s absolutely okay. Don’t worry because it’s not rocket science to turn yourself into a more confident and easy going person. Then you can move on and not allow yourself to get labelled as a shy person anymore. This is much more important than it seems at first. If you can’t accept your current shyness, don’t move on to tip number three.

Make a list of all the situations and people you feel shy with

Just to give you a small example, you might feel shy when you have to talk to any girl or any guy, or maybe it’s just a specific girl or guy. You might feel shy when you have to talk to a newcomer in your office, or when you have to talk to your teacher or your boss at work. Whatever the situation, if you feel like you really want to talk to someone but can’t, then add it to your list.

Conquer your mind

Your mind is a faithful servant. Whatever you feed into it, it follows your command. If you feed it fear and worry, that’s what you will get back. So start telling yourself that you are confident and free to calmly talk about anything you want with anybody you meet. You can do this in whatever way is most comfortable to you, some people write it down every day, some say it to themselves in the mirror and some sing it under their breath on their walk to work. Do what comes natural, and your mind will take your lead and slowly begin to believe that you are not a shy person. This is the secret to conquering your mind.

Conquer the list

Now that your mind is working for you instead of against you, let’s get back to your list. Go through each item on your list and imagine what you would like to do in each scenario. Picture yourself calmly and confidently interacting with the people you wrote down, and go through the entire conversation in your head. This is called mental practice, and it’s something the world’s top athletes do to get them ready for high pressure competitions. Practice at least one scenario from your list every day and you’ll begin to internalize what it’s like to interact with people without being limited by your shyness.

Place your attention on others

The moment you start placing your attention on others and trying to understand the needs and wants of other people, you forget your own needs and insecurities. That is a miraculous thing because you can become so involved with the other person you lose awareness of yourself and what’s limiting you. It takes time to master, but if you put this to use in each of your conversations, you will quickly see the difference it can make.

Visualize Success

There is power in visualization. We’ve already seen this with the mental practice exercises. Now I want you to do the same exercise, but without referencing your list of specific scenarios. This time I want you to visualize as many different scenarios as you can. Imagine seeing yourself talk successfully to hundreds and thousands of people at once without feeling self-conscious. Imagine yourself at school, at work, or at a restaurant talking to strangers and feeling totally comfortable and in control.

Do not compare yourself with others

One of the worst things you can do is compare yourself with your colleague or your best friend who is confident in front of people and not shy at all. By comparing yourself with this other person, you’re damaging your own self-image and self-confidence. Never compare yourself with another person because each and every one of us has our own individual personality.

Do not get affected by labels

Don’t get stuck on any labels given to you by other people. If people have ever called you shy or told you that you are shy, it doesn’t mean you are now automatically shy for the rest of your life. If you put your mind to it, you can change anything. And that label was probably not accurate in the first place. They don’t know you completely, they just saw something on the surface and called you shy without thinking any more of it. So don’t worry about other people’s labels. Only you can define who you choose to be.

I hope you follow these steps, and truly take them to heart. Overcoming your shyness is possible and can make such a meaningful difference in your life every day.